time to smoke my breakfast
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
