In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
