Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
