I'm going to jail i love you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
