um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
