i wish my penis had a tongue
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
