she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
