just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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