Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
