he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
