She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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