Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
