Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
