dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
