so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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