Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
