When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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