break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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