Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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