then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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