We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
