I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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