so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
