She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
