even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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