I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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