I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can I color on your dick again?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
