I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
