I wish I only lived at night.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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