Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
