ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
