For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
