There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
