I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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