I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
