I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
