no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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