i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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