Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
