1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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