Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
