I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
