I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
