She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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