So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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