how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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