Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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