ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
