at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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