Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
