quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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