He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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