so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
