Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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