I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
