I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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